If you haven't watched the consent as a cup of tea metaphor video, then go watch it and come back to read this post. I despise the consent as a cup of tea metaphor becomes it is the continuation of an unsettling trend I've seen in many discussions around sexuality and consent. Often people feel there is so much ambiguity around what consent is and what healthy sex looks like that we as a community need to come up with a way to simplify many of the concepts we created to talk about sex. The issue is sex can often be complicated. Sex means a lot of different things for a lot of different people and while the "cup of tea" metaphor might seem like an apt introduction to the concept of consent, it actually inhibits one from deeply considering the importance of consent and the act of sex in general. Furthermore, when we consider the audience for this video, we realize it's actually just pandering to a group of (mainly men) men who try to find grey areas within definitions of sex in order to continue acting like pigs. "But we were both drunk they," say! "She didn't say she did not want it," they exclaim! Buddies, buddies, remember the cup of tea analogy? What we really need to say to these individuals is a conversation similar to the one had in this comic strip. Misogynistic men don't need hand holding, they just need some real talk.
People might rail back claiming that the video wasn't "that big of a deal", but it cheapens the way we discuss these issues. Different people have different levels of comfortableness with sex and sex as an action is something we have differing opinions on. Tea is a beverage. Sex is something that can be incredibly passionate and often involves a degree of emotional and physical vulnerability. Tea comes hot and cold. Sex can often proceed months of build up or can be a spur of the moment endeavor for an individual, leading to huge differences on the importance and significance of sex for individuals. Tea sometimes requires hot water. Sex is something people often do exclusively and sometimes can be shared with multiple partners, regardless the rate of engagement differs significantly according to person. I can get tea at home or I can walk four blocks up to the diner and have tea served there. If someone tells me they want sex and at the moment we are about to have it, they have second thoughts, I won't become disgruntled as I understand it's an incredibly personal act. If you ask for a cup of tea and I make it for you and you don't drink it, I'm going to be peeved.
So yea, can we stop it with the simplistic explanations for what is honestly something that we should be giving some degree of thought to. Also, if you don't understand that you need to make sure someone is ok with sex before having it, then you're an inconsiderate ass. I doubt the video is going to make any difference. So I say more sex and less tea! Or at least more discussion about sex and I guess tea itself can remain, just stay out of our metaphors, though I guess it's better than the getting a cup of coffee euphemism. Ok maybe instead of saying you got a cup of coffee, you can say you got a cup of tea?
People might rail back claiming that the video wasn't "that big of a deal", but it cheapens the way we discuss these issues. Different people have different levels of comfortableness with sex and sex as an action is something we have differing opinions on. Tea is a beverage. Sex is something that can be incredibly passionate and often involves a degree of emotional and physical vulnerability. Tea comes hot and cold. Sex can often proceed months of build up or can be a spur of the moment endeavor for an individual, leading to huge differences on the importance and significance of sex for individuals. Tea sometimes requires hot water. Sex is something people often do exclusively and sometimes can be shared with multiple partners, regardless the rate of engagement differs significantly according to person. I can get tea at home or I can walk four blocks up to the diner and have tea served there. If someone tells me they want sex and at the moment we are about to have it, they have second thoughts, I won't become disgruntled as I understand it's an incredibly personal act. If you ask for a cup of tea and I make it for you and you don't drink it, I'm going to be peeved.
So yea, can we stop it with the simplistic explanations for what is honestly something that we should be giving some degree of thought to. Also, if you don't understand that you need to make sure someone is ok with sex before having it, then you're an inconsiderate ass. I doubt the video is going to make any difference. So I say more sex and less tea! Or at least more discussion about sex and I guess tea itself can remain, just stay out of our metaphors, though I guess it's better than the getting a cup of coffee euphemism. Ok maybe instead of saying you got a cup of coffee, you can say you got a cup of tea?
No comments:
Post a Comment