Note: I'm a Cisgender straight male so for the examples which require an individual speaking I'll be writing in my own point of view. For generalizations I'm going to try to write without any mention of gender. If I fuck up, feel free to call me out on it and I'll gladly edit it. Also if you think there's a better way to go about writing this (i.e. the gender scheme I'm using is still oppressive), then please give me suggestions because as a writer this is something I've struggled with for awhile.
Awhile ago I wrote this post about the friendzone and now a few months later I'm realizing how much of an idiot I was. While some good points about maintaining a healthy friendship and relationship were brought up in my previous piece, the final conclusion that men and women were justified in their furor due to being "wrongly" strung along was patently false. I have a few tips that will keep you from ever being friendzoned or at least from ever being upset over a failed romantic encounter. Most of this stuff is common sense, so there's really no point in reading it. In fact, I'm really just writing it for myself. If you want the only important piece of information scroll down to the bottom of this post.
1. Just fucking tell them how you feel:
Honestly once you think there's something there, just go out and say it. Now I'm not saying profess your love the first time you meet someone (unless you honestly do feel that way, in which case probably best you do, that way rejection can teach you a real world lesson on how love works). But if you're kind of interested, then flirt a bit. Make your intentions known! A simple "I could see myself dating you" or "you're just the kind of girl for me" or something along those lines will send out the signal that you are probing for some romantic possibilities. If the person is completely opposed then at least no stringing along occurred. You can move on.
2. Move on if someone says no or doesn't reciprocate in the time frame you want:
If someone says no, unless they gave you some ridiculous condition (like a forbidden love type deal and even then you should probably walk away), then you should just take it as a no and let it go. If you followed tip one this should have occurred relatively early so you shouldn't be too torn. If they're taking their time informing you on how they feel (i.e. playing games) it's time shut that down too. Just leave them, forcing the imperative of choice on them. If they really care and feel for you, then they'll make an effort. If not, then just let it be. Now I'm not telling you to rush the familiarization process. Some people take extended periods of time to get to know someone. You need to give that person the amount of time you feel comfortable giving.
3. The impetus isn't only on the suitor (technically both people should be coming together, the whole suitor thing is kinda outdated, still there will always be someone who takes the initiative) people being pursued need to make up their minds:
People string people along all the time. People play games all the time. If you follow rule 1 and 2 you won't fall susceptible to this. Take a hint from my man Serani, he knows what I'm talking about. But if you're the one playing games, just stop that shit. If it's a no, then outright say no. And you're not allowed to have your cake and eat it too. I mean if you're going to reject someone, you don't get to tell them you have feelings for them. You either make a clean cut or give it more time. But watch out if you take too much time, they might follow tip two and drop you.
4. Keep an open mind:
Sometimes you meet someone and you're not attracted to them. This is usually enough for most people to just assume that person has no romantic potential. I disagree. There have been plenty of people I eventually became attracted to overtime. True love at first sight isn't a thing and you finding someone not attractive is just you being shallow. Sorry not everyone can be gorgeous and when you hold people up to standards regardless of how low they are, you're already creating this rigid template for future relationships. Just give it a few days. If their personality and money can't make up for their lack of looks then feel free to tell them a no. Now if they're a jerk, of course feel free to outright say no. Jerks are known to play games and we're not about that here.
So yea that's it. You didn't get friendzoned, she just didn't like you. And the only thing you really need to remember to avoid all of this:
Awhile ago I wrote this post about the friendzone and now a few months later I'm realizing how much of an idiot I was. While some good points about maintaining a healthy friendship and relationship were brought up in my previous piece, the final conclusion that men and women were justified in their furor due to being "wrongly" strung along was patently false. I have a few tips that will keep you from ever being friendzoned or at least from ever being upset over a failed romantic encounter. Most of this stuff is common sense, so there's really no point in reading it. In fact, I'm really just writing it for myself. If you want the only important piece of information scroll down to the bottom of this post.
1. Just fucking tell them how you feel:
Honestly once you think there's something there, just go out and say it. Now I'm not saying profess your love the first time you meet someone (unless you honestly do feel that way, in which case probably best you do, that way rejection can teach you a real world lesson on how love works). But if you're kind of interested, then flirt a bit. Make your intentions known! A simple "I could see myself dating you" or "you're just the kind of girl for me" or something along those lines will send out the signal that you are probing for some romantic possibilities. If the person is completely opposed then at least no stringing along occurred. You can move on.
2. Move on if someone says no or doesn't reciprocate in the time frame you want:
If someone says no, unless they gave you some ridiculous condition (like a forbidden love type deal and even then you should probably walk away), then you should just take it as a no and let it go. If you followed tip one this should have occurred relatively early so you shouldn't be too torn. If they're taking their time informing you on how they feel (i.e. playing games) it's time shut that down too. Just leave them, forcing the imperative of choice on them. If they really care and feel for you, then they'll make an effort. If not, then just let it be. Now I'm not telling you to rush the familiarization process. Some people take extended periods of time to get to know someone. You need to give that person the amount of time you feel comfortable giving.
3. The impetus isn't only on the suitor (technically both people should be coming together, the whole suitor thing is kinda outdated, still there will always be someone who takes the initiative) people being pursued need to make up their minds:
4. Keep an open mind:
Sometimes you meet someone and you're not attracted to them. This is usually enough for most people to just assume that person has no romantic potential. I disagree. There have been plenty of people I eventually became attracted to overtime. True love at first sight isn't a thing and you finding someone not attractive is just you being shallow. Sorry not everyone can be gorgeous and when you hold people up to standards regardless of how low they are, you're already creating this rigid template for future relationships. Just give it a few days. If their personality and money can't make up for their lack of looks then feel free to tell them a no. Now if they're a jerk, of course feel free to outright say no. Jerks are known to play games and we're not about that here.
So yea that's it. You didn't get friendzoned, she just didn't like you. And the only thing you really need to remember to avoid all of this:
NO GAMES
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