The Friendzone doesn't exist. You're just both idiots.

 Note: I'm a Cisgender straight male so for the examples which require an individual speaking I'll be writing in my own point of view. For generalizations I'm going to try to write without any mention of gender. If I fuck up, feel free to call me out on it and I'll gladly edit it. Also if you think there's a better way to go about writing this (i.e. the gender scheme I'm using is still oppressive), then please give me suggestions because as a writer this is something I've struggled with for awhile.

         Awhile ago I wrote this post about the friendzone and now a few months later I'm realizing how much of an idiot I was. While some good points about maintaining a healthy friendship and relationship were brought up in my previous piece, the final conclusion that men and women were justified in their furor due to being "wrongly" strung along was patently false. I have a few tips that will keep you from ever being friendzoned or at least from ever being upset over a failed romantic encounter. Most of this stuff is common sense, so there's really no point in reading it. In fact, I'm really just writing it for myself. If you want the only important piece of information scroll down to the bottom of this post.

1. Just fucking tell them how you feel:
 Honestly once you think there's something there, just go out and say it. Now I'm not saying profess your love the first time you meet someone (unless you honestly do feel that way, in which case probably best you do, that way rejection can teach you a real world lesson on how love works). But if you're kind of interested, then flirt a bit. Make your intentions known! A simple "I could see myself dating you" or "you're just the kind of girl for me" or something along those lines will send out the signal that you are probing for some romantic possibilities. If the person is completely opposed  then at least no stringing along occurred. You can move on.

2. Move on if someone says no or doesn't reciprocate in the time frame you want:
If someone says no, unless they gave you some ridiculous condition (like a forbidden love type deal and even then you should probably walk away), then you should just take it as a no and let it go. If you followed tip one this should have occurred relatively early so you shouldn't be too torn. If they're taking their time informing you on how they feel (i.e. playing games) it's time shut that down too. Just leave them, forcing the imperative of choice on them. If they really care and feel for you, then they'll make an effort. If not, then just let it be. Now I'm not telling you to rush the familiarization process. Some people take extended periods of time to get to know someone. You need to give that person the amount of time you feel comfortable giving.

3.  The impetus isn't only on the suitor (technically both people should be coming together, the whole suitor thing is kinda outdated, still there will always be someone who takes the initiative) people being pursued need to make up their minds:

People string people along all the time. People play games all the time. If you follow rule 1 and 2 you won't fall susceptible to this. Take a hint from my man Serani, he knows what I'm talking about. But if you're the one playing games, just stop that shit. If it's a no, then outright say no. And you're not allowed to have your cake and eat it too. I mean if you're going to reject someone, you don't get to tell them you have feelings for them. You either make a clean cut or give it more time. But watch out if you take too much time, they might follow tip two and drop you.

4. Keep an open mind:
Sometimes you meet someone and you're not attracted to them. This is usually enough  for most people to just assume that person has no romantic potential. I disagree. There have been plenty of people I eventually became attracted to overtime. True love at first sight isn't a thing and you finding someone not attractive is just you being shallow. Sorry not everyone can be gorgeous and when you hold people up to standards regardless of how low they are, you're already creating this rigid template for future relationships. Just give it a few days. If their personality and money can't make up for their lack of looks then feel free to tell them a no. Now if they're a jerk, of course feel free to outright say no. Jerks are known to play games and we're not about that here.

So yea that's it. You didn't get friendzoned, she just didn't like you. And the only thing you really need to remember to avoid all of this:

NO GAMES

God doesn't care about the Pledge of Allegiance (or your kid's in-class prayer)

                         People like to complain about how we can't have prayer in school or say God in the pledge of allegiance. When people do this I think they're pretty foolish. These people have decided to pick surface details and elevate them to primary reasons their religious values and the country's values are slowly deteriorating right before their eyes. And I'm sorry that this post reeks of Christian privilege, but the major offenders of this kind of ridiculous whining typically come from a Christian background (most likely because Christians have a hegemony on the media in America). These Christians will stomp their feet on the ground until the world around them somehow conforms to their occult rituals. I'm Catholic so it isn't like I'm guilt free. For a long time the Catholic faith was the biggest offender. A group that expected deference, while being entrenched in scandal and also picking petty fights such as whether the use of condoms should be allowed or if Harry Potter should be seen. It isn't until recently that Pope Francis made me realize how deluded many in the Catholic (and at large the Christian) faith have become. Pope Francis addressed the elephant in the room: income inequality. He called for wealth distribution and combat against poverty. His words didn't sit well with many conservatives, but honestly who cares it's not like he's forcing any of them to give up their money anyways. Oh wait, I can here it now. "But Raymond my parents are ultra rich and they donate all the time!" Really? Do they now? Wasn't it Jesus who told his disciples to leave everything behind and follow him. When he said everything, I think he meant everything. So unless your parents are constantly giving most of their paycheck to the red cross, I don't want to hear it.  We all know they're taking some liberties with the scripture aren't they in regards to the whole living in poverty part? Which is ok because faith is something you work at and strive for. But it means if you're going to let shit like being a selfish, self serving jerk fly, then you also need to be willing to let minor inconveniences like not forcing your religious beliefs on the general public and not making public schools take a religious tone (Catholic, Muslim, Christian, etc. schools exist) work as well.
            So if you want to complain to me about how it's ridiculous your kid doesn't have time to pray in class, then I better not see you walking back to a new Benz because guess what your kid not saying a Hail Mary isn't what's causing the moral degradation of this nation, it's possibly your complicit behavior in a capitalist system which favors the rich and disadvantages the poor. I feel like Jesus would have found the latter far more troubling. Or not. Maybe he's a stickler for prayer. 

How Triggers work (TW: Discusses Triggers,Clowns,Sexual Assault,Poverty, Racism)

         People are using trigger warnings for everything and it's getting so frustrating. It's as if the internal logic of a trigger and how it works has been completely forgotten by the social justice community. So here's three tips for triggers and how they are used and experienced.

1. Trigger warnings exist to prevent people from unintentionally being placed in a negative and emotional space-
Basically trigger warnings exist so that people who have experience with certain topics are protected from unintentionally being forced to discuss them when they don't want to. If a movie is incredibly troubling and sad, it doesn't necessarily need a trigger warning. In fact, it should just be acknowledged for its heavy content. Even if someone puts a Trigger warning for a movie, that doesn't necessarily mean you should not watch it. If you've never had experience with that particular trigger, perhaps it would be good for you to watch it. The point is that Trigger Warnings protect people with prior knowledge of the topic, not everyone indiscriminately.

2. To be Triggered you need some sort of experience with the topic at hand-
        You can't be triggered by nothing. Something within the content itself needs to resonate (or challenge) with your lived experiences causing a stronger than expected emotional response. For example, there was a mock eviction campaign done in my school. The mock eviction was meant to show the horrible mass evictions that occur in Palestine due to illegal Israeli settlements. These mock evictions were spread through the residence halls, leaving many students feeling what they described as "triggered". However, this confused me. You see the University of Michigan has one of the most affluent student populations in the country, leading me to believe that an eviction notice wouldn't be something many of them would have experience with. If anything the notion of someone being kicked out of their home could upset them, sure, but that's not being triggered. Nothing about their lived experiences are being activated or "triggered" to make them have a far stronger emotional response than other people would. One can argue that the mere use of the Israel-Palestine context could have triggered some of these students (i.e. Jewish students feel this is anti Semitic slander), but the point is that the eviction notices themselves were not triggering.
       That being said oppression tends to function in a particular way and I can see how the oppression of one group can look very similar to the oppression of another group. Again prior lived experiences still needs to be activated. So as a Puerto Rican who grew up in New York City, the movie Fruitvale Station resonated with me even though the protagonist was black. Just as stop and frisk targets Blacks, it also targets Latinos as well, making the protagonist's lived experience something I could see happening to me.

3. You can't TW everything-
    At what point do we stop putting Trigger Warnings? If I mention clowns in this post should I put a Trigger Warning for clowns to protect people with coulrophobia (the fear of clowns)? My friend always told me "the world doesn't come with trigger warnings." And while I do think things like Sexual Assault, Poverty, and Racism should sometimes be given a Trigger Warning, I also think that articles whose subject matter are heavy and grizzly from the beginning should just be acknowledged as such and should have no trigger warning attached (i.e. do not watch fruitvale station if you are a minority from the inner city who doesn't want to be thrown into emotional distress). The point is that serious discussions have an implicit trigger warning. Sure certain topics can still affect you in a far more damaging way, but that should be evident from the outset of the article. If it isn't, then a trigger warning may be something to consider.

In closing, Trigger Warnings definitely have a place in blogging and writing, but please think before you hastily tag a Trigger Warning on an article and also please don't use the term triggered lightly.
Also, watch Fruitvale Station! Or don't. Honestly it's your call 

The true issue with Colbert

   So Colbert did this, a tweet that comes up with a blatantly racist institution to support Asian American culture. And the internet along with many Asian Americans went on a storm. However, turns out the tweet was taken out of context and the actual video was this, where he conflates the association made by the Red Skins for the Native American with this fictitious racist Asian American focused organization. Now many a person on the internet have risen up from the intellectual cornucopia to defend Stephen. They claim that the original use was proper and the right blend of satire. However, I believe people are missing the larger point as to why so many Asian Americans are upset.
    Minority voices and images have historically been used for the entertainment of a white populous. The minstrel show wasn't only for African Americans as many Asians, Latinos, Native Americans and many more minorities find themselves caricatured and put on display for a white audience's amusement. Nowadays such blatant racism is called out. In its stead we find a stream of subtle appropriation going on. Minority culture is taken and fetishized, used as an object for the rhetorical purpose of mainly whites. And therein lies the issue with Colbert's bit. As a straight white man, Colbert has many privileges others don't have. Even more specifically Colbert certainly has no true understanding of the plight faced by minorities via the media. Yet he finds that he can use their images and stereotypes as tools at his disposal to provide entertainment that everyone but the group being used (in this case Asians) would enjoy. Now can an Asian American make this joke and do it successfully? Perhaps. I'm unsure if I could speak to that seeing that I am not Asian American, but that's a debate that would happen within their particular community, not out in the public for the media to grab hold on. Simply put, there are some jokes you make with people in your own community and to have someone take part in that discourse as if they were entitled to do would be considered off putting. Also the tweet had Colbert's name on it and was associated with comedy central so he should definitely share blame. None of this it wasn't me "Shaggy" type bullshit. 

Welcome Rich White America

Bienvenidos Rich White America, please feel free to make yourself at home
Kick off your boots and and take a seat at your table, crafted down the street.
Oh you don't know how to read the menu, no worries, English and money accepted.
And we'll fry your brat some chicken fingers too because he doesn't like ethnic food.
And you'll pass favorable judgement on us, smiling wide, proving that we can all get along,
just as long as I know my place and you know your place and we're all in place!
Ahh enjoy my island breeze as my children struggle to go back.
Please speak your Rosetta Stone Spanish as my kids struggle to pick up their native tongue.
But they're Americans! Really? So they have rights? To life, liberty and the pursuit of the next paycheck.
And as for the poet? Oh he's just a whitewashed sell out at a liberal arts college. But the author doesn't      matter

Yo waddup Rich White America, please feel free to make yourself at home.
Slum it up on my trains and whine over the smallest inconvenience.
It's fine, I'll still dance and ask for some much needed money.
Excuse me Ladies and Gentlemen, pardon the interruption. But I'm trying to sleep.
So please stop being sloppy drunk because the midnight shift doesn't have an after party.
And no I won't be taking a taxi. I'll walk after my hour and half commute.
Yet I'll still see you at my, street fairs, cultural events, wearing the Puerto Rican flag during the parade.
Don't worry my best friend is Puerto Rican, you say as you mispronounce his name.

Hello Rich White America, welcome to your campus.
Don't worry we've decorated it with all the necessary ornaments:
Old buildings named after you (if you're a man), A beautiful diag with a grandiose library and plenty of    minorities to make you cultured!
Please enjoy your Americanized versions of our food and talk about that one time you went to a traditional  Chinese (Southern) restaurant with your friend.
Also we have your houses lined up in a row as close to campus as could be.
Don't worry those minorities won't be given a house or if they do it'll be out of sight, therefore out of mind.

He's just an angry minority complaining because he's oppressed!
Yea, this is why he'll never be successful, he just wants a hand out!
Also this is reverse racism, I'm going to demand you take it down!
My family worked hard for the policies and positive biases they received!
Doesn't sound quite as poetic.

Humans of New York annoy me

          Yep, I'm back again for some good old fashion hating. For those of you who don't know, Humans of New York is a Facebook group that aims to tell the stories of New Yorkers "One story at a time". It does this by posting a picture that is presumably the person or people the story is about and then leaves a small caption that explains their "story". Sometimes these captions are long and extensive, explaining a very detailed story for us all to revel in. But often it's not. Instead we are treated to obfuscated nonsense like "It constantly depresses the shit out of me that we have to die", cut to a picture of a man on a bicycle cab sitting down and you too can be a self patronizing asshole who likes to indulge in pseudo meaningful nonsense. My point is simple: that isn't a story. Hell that isn't even productive. Yet people rush over to the post, shower it in likes, while engaging in what could only be described as an emotional circle jerk.
          My true bone to pick with Humans of New York doesn't stem from the people posting. I believe most people who post are trying to vocalize their story any way they can. I feel the readers are the ones who fetishize these posts, consuming them as if they are emotional and insightful porn. Why I feel Humans of New York encourages a shallow consumption of the human experience is because often the stories are syncopated into short blurbs to keep up with the pace of life of the average 21st century college student. The observer doesn't engage with the story because there isn't enough to engage with. When someone says "My stepdad was always demanding that I respect him. Yet he didn't respect me at all," I still know absolutely nothing about his story. That story could be mapped onto anyone with a step dad and while many might be saying "that's the point", I find this lesson in universality to be redundant. It only takes a few "universal points" to prove to me that the human experience can be similar across the board. I thought I was learning this kids story, but clearly I'm not. I don't know anything about his situation with his step father or why his step father shows him no respect. I don't know how this kid is struggling with it and how it has affected him. I don't know what respect manifests as in the mind of this kid. In fact I know absolutely nothing about his story and I gain nothing from this blurb other than the common adage that "to get respect one must earn it (or give it, or something like that)." Yet people keep flocking to these posts, sharing and re-posting. Why? It's because it makes us feel better. These posts aren't about the people posting them, but about us. We want to engage in what we think is a high level of emotional vulnerability without actually dealing with the details that makes the emotional vulnerability so frightening. We want to gain spiritual understanding without even drudging through the difficulties of conceiving life's important questions. We want wisdom without ever understanding the true gravitas of that wisdom as it occurs in the real world. And Humans of New York gives us all of that with no emotional commitment (or reading commitment) required. Even the comments are self serving, often finding a way to insinuate that the commenter had already had that knowledge or experience and this post just confirmed it.
      I want someones story to be juicy. I want the details to run down the sides of my mouth like the juices from a freshly peeled Orange. I expect recoil and difficulty as I sift through scenarios I have never been in. And empathy on my part requires true concentration because I must truly try to put myself in the shoes of another, not merely assume we've been wearing the same footwear.


For your entertainment I made some HONY submissions of my own. I'm not sure if they'll make the cut though.

I used to be afraid to stand up for people. Now that I'm older, I still don't stand up for anyone. 

Follow your dreams and perhaps you can live an average life with an average job, but hey at least you have a college degree. 

Sometimes people ask, what's around your neck. I just ignore them 

As a kid I wanted to be a doctor. Now that I'm an adult, I've decided to be a lawyer instead.

Puerto Rican Politics

         
                      We are the gatekeepers of Latino solidarity. The reason this is the case is because Puerto Ricans are prime prospects for the new Latino model minority. Puerto Ricans by liberty of Puerto Rico's status as a commonwealth, all have American citizenship. This reality is often ignored by political advisers who intend to lump the Latino vote as pro immigration reform and against immigration. It's not that simple, especially for Puerto Ricans. Puerto Ricans who only have Puerto Rican family truthfully have no bone to pick with immigration reform. It matters little to us. In fact, some Puerto Ricans are staunch opponents of immigration reform (as shown in this article) for the same reason many non-Latino Americans are against immigration reform, it threatens job security. However, when the NY Times begins releasing articles about how immigration reform might affect Republican policy, it becomes clear that there will be places where the Puerto Rican vote will matter. The GOP does not need to win the Latino vote, it needs to win enough of it. In solidarity the Latino block is strong in certain parts of the country, but in areas such as New York and Florida (places where there are high Puerto Rican populations) the Puerto Rican vote (mixed in with a smattering of Cuban votes who have been given asylum) can be enough to turn the tide, allowing Republicans to have their cake and eat it too.
                   We have a choice. We can side with the Republicans against our Latino cousins or we can remain unified in policy demands. This solidarity may cost Puerto Ricans politically in the short run. There are particular policy goals that are salient only to Puerto Ricans, such as the statehood/ national recognition of Puerto Rico. But these goals are far too particular for Puerto Ricans to expect the Latino block to make demands on, hobbled as it is. Long run political outlooks are far more promising. If we can insert ourselves into the bedrock of political influence in the country, then we can begin making good on unilateral goals that help all Latinos, including Puerto Ricans. We will not longer have to ask to be given a seat at the table we made, we will sit in the chairs we brought ourselves. But if we are to falter. If we begin to side with the Republicans in the ballot box, then we will forever be second class citizens, unable to decide our own fates because we have sided with a party that does not recognize us as equals. Do not let Marco Rubio fool you. Instead we need to supersede political alliances. We need to do what is right for Latinos, not what is right for Democrats and Republicans. What is clear is that the Democrats have our interests at a much higher priority than the Republicans. This article from Gallup confirms that there are more Latinos in the Democratic Party than there are in the mostly white Republican Party. We cannot trust any body of politic but ourselves. We can only depend on a Latino block that will not treat us as second class citizens. I cannot force any individual Puerto Rican to make a choice, I only hope that years from now you won't regret placing your children at the mercy of a political machine that doesn't respect them.